Get Your Holle:

Gloria's Tips to Look Your Best

July '09: Accent Your Features

Now Darlings, lets start with ‘A’, A for Accent your features! IE, you’re best bits!!

Everybody has bits on them they like, and bits they hate! Personally I have LOADS of flaws, but they’re the only flaws I’ll ever have so I’m gonna love them regardless!!  So think to yourself, what features of yourself as a whole do you want to accent. This can be your kick ass haircut, your banging booty, your amazing personality or how great (and may I stress great) you look in a six inch heel and a four foot wig.

Accent your skin! A good cologne attracts men to you like lesbians to cake, Invest! Personally I love 2tone by Ben Sherman,  M.A.C. Black by M.A.C., and Unforgivable by Sean John. Don’t forget LYNX too, there’s about a million different kinds so you really can’t go wrong! Also darrlinnggs, hair is porous so it holds scent, spray that CKONE into that asymmetrical fringe of yours. Every time you turn you’ll get awash with some CK... and then hopefully the rest of you will get awash with some DK.

Clothes darlings! Clothes! Accent your shape!! Dress to impress but don’t go outside your comfort zone. You have to look and feel confident and relaxed in anything you wear! There’s no point shelling out a fortune for the trendiest, skinniest jeans you can find if you look as uncomfortable as Joanna Ryde at a dinner party! Research your body shape and dress to suit it! A good rule of thumb to go by though, is that if you have a belly, DON’T wear a fucking belly top!!! There’s loads of decent averagely priced clothes shops these days! Topman is pretty much the gay uniform so if you’re feeling lazy go there! ASOS.COM is a personal favourite of mine, it stocks loads of high street brands right up to designer gear, and the prices are in sterling too, its a win win!!

Accent your faces sweeties, with a fucking smile! Its not hard to do and smiling happy people are more attractive than moody scowling old queens!! Use natural conversation starters other than cheeseball ones. Oh! and don’t forget the fag hag, a good fag hag are worth their weight in man jelly! The AMOUNT of man candy they can bring to you is UNREAL!!

If all else fails darlings, use your man stare. C’mon, we all know it. Its the bit of eye contact that lasts that little bit too long with the casual glance down to the crotch and back up again. Do it fast, and then go in for the kill. As an extra trick, if you do this while at a urinal or in a bathroom of sorts, you can skip the making out session and go straight to bum fun in the toilets!! Just make sure to remember, Hand wash cream doesn’t make a good lube..!

Darlings, thats all you’re getting out of me, Glo Glo is retiring to a night of CC meets, strictly for research though of course sweettiiees!! Cruising doesn’t research itself you know!!

PS:  Next month is B!!